blonde hair with no way home.
I was there, searching for this heartbreak. With my eyes shut, I tied my shoes and began my journey. I never thought I would make it. A new lover gave me the reason to escape that life, The adulterated romance was all I wanted to feel. With freshly printed tickets, we had our get away. We wanted to be invisible because we were afraid of getting caught. Being a thousand miles away from home was an easy feat for people like us. We only knew windy backseats and dirty windshields at the young age of 19. He was my first, but I never told him.
So why would we runaway to New York City? The nostalgia of a busy street with loud subways was all I dreamt about. And this new lover was there to make sure I came home. Waiting at my paused life was an angry boyfriend and unaccepting parents. Loud streets were always quieter than their yells. Together they were my symphony concert that I never attended. Peace was waiting beyond the trashy tracks with yellow cabs. I questioned myself with every step I took barefoot in the Central Park grass. I felt the romance from the movies and newlyweds who shared their moment on this rock. The blackness of the lake with the empty fish, looked like someone I recognized. As I began to stare at the soulless water, I found my notepad and began to write.
The cab was full of music. There was no room for my aching heart to think about, but I needed something to wake me up. I told the driver the truth about my trip in this city. He laughs. Running is easier than walking with the right pair of shoes. I place my trust in these laces that got me to this city, but too worried about being discovered.
The man who broke me had no emotion, but he was brilliant. Too smart to care; dumb enough to love. I often think about the missing parts, but now’s the time to focus on a new episode of my life. Dinner by the park, carriage rides and paddle boats consumed our first night. A hotel room with no view and a shower-less bathroom gave me hope that the next day would be an adventure. It’s hard to hold someone’s hand while thinking about another. This new lover was charming like a prince. He carried me to my ecstasy and kept me high enough to stand on the Empire State. Our laughs echoed in the city and suddenly we were blending in. My shoes were worn and I had enough energy left to run a marathon. I knew our fate, but I never wanted to collect my boarding pass. Praying for the flight to be canceled, we sat in our seats and began the trip back to our adulterated life.
They were furious. Home meant that I had to tell them and live with my decisions. Leaving out segments of the truth to keep our families from seeing our secret. We had moments in the rain and our clothes stayed dry. Using a towel to end the night and falling asleep with easy breathing was my heaven. Our memories would never be shared again, but I needed this. Now that I let him in, I was prepared to fight back against my enemy. My enemy was my past, a part of the old me. Now that my body was full of skyscrapers and pollution, I had a new DNA.
He was my first. I never loved like this, his presence was like standing in Times Square. After telling our family, I had nothing to lose. No home, no Christmas, but I did have souvenirs from a hotel room. Could these two days feed my existence or will this haunt my soul. Could my shoes not fit anymore in a couple weeks or will I have a new pair? These are the answers I wanted to know, but I was no genius. I had blonde hair and no way home.
New York City was calling, I answered the phone -- five boroughs later and I never looked back.
